Last night, I sat at a big table in the middle of a really romantic restaurant full of couples with 5 of my best friends and we talked about all the reasons why we love each other and listened to really powerful love pop ballads on the way home. They were my most special and best looking valentines yet. I’ve also been noticing some themes in my life lately that happen to be very appropriate for the recent occasion, so I thought I’d share.
One of them has been the importance of the heart, and how everything I do or feel is centered in something else that’s inside of me. Everything I do, say, or even think is a reflection of what is going on in my heart. I’m learning that any aspect of my life that I’m not satisfied with is a reflection of another area of my life that is not being fulfilled.
Proverbs 4:23 – Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Another truth I’ve been learning lately is I don’t really know God intimately. The past year has been a constant struggle with feelings of not measuring up to my own standards, not measuring up to someone else’s standards, and not measuring up to God’s standards. I’m starting to realize that feeling I don’t measure up doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me, it means there’s something wrong with how I know Jesus.
Right now I’m reading Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet by Sarah Hagerty, and even though I can’t currently relate to a lot of her life circumstances, I’m learning a lot about how every circumstance reveals a new way that we don’t know Jesus. She writes in chapter 9:
Instead of saying, “Why haven’t you healed me?” say “Show yourself as healer.”
Instead of saying, “Why all the pain?” say “Show me yourself as comforter of those pains.”
I decided that instead of focusing on all the ways I’m not enough, I need to focus on His love – Not trying to understand it better, but just simply experiencing it. Instead of wondering why I don’t know Him like I should and understand Him better, He told me to dwell in his love. I’m realizing that even when I’m not paying attention, He is still loving me and even when I don’t deserve it, nothing I do can make Him love me less. This is perfect love, and now that I don’t have another relationship taking up my time and attention, I can focus on cultivating this one and really find a relationship with God. Like kind of date him.