I stopped writing about singleness for a while, essentially because I’m not a fan of being vulnerable. However, I can acknowledge that past relationships and the current lessons they are teaching me are huge parts of my journey today, and I am super encouraged by other people’s journeys, so let’s try this again –
What the past year has taught me is that If I attempt to move on with the mindset that my relationship ended because of what the other person did, I may never fully move on. My relationship ended because it was time for it to be over. Regardless of what happened, my relationship is over, and it was supposed to end. Over the past year, I’ve learned that even though I thought cutting him off and being angry made me strong, in the end, it only made me weaker.
Trying to hate someone won’t help you get over them. I’ve realized that by instinct, we focus on the bad in a relationship in hopes of moving on. Unfortunately, ignoring the good doesn’t make it go away. As much bad as there can be in someone/something, there can be just as much good.
For me especially, it’s been important to come to terms with the fact that there was good in my relationship. Now that I’ve stopped denying that, I can be reminded that the good wasn’t enough to stay. It’s possible that even without the bad, the good wasn’t even good enough to stay. The good was just good. Even without the bad, I could do better. I can have better than our best. Knowing that there is something better out there for me, I choose to be alone – whether I have moved on or not.
Getting hurt, being betrayed, losing trust – these are all reasons that people end relationships…and this is why people always go back to the one that hurt them – because you can use a situation to end a relationship, but you can’t use a situation to make your heart move on. Though these are all good reasons to leave someone, they aren’t reason enough for your heart to let go of them.
I’ve learned that I can’t force myself to move on – rather, I have to trust the fact that it’s over because it’s supposed to be, and the moving on part will happen when it’s supposed to. Being hurt by someone doesn’t change the way you feel about them, because hearts don’t realize they’ve been lied to, they still love anyway (-Abbi Glines).